<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>mulan: redux by hesselives</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318566">mulan: redux</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hesselives/pseuds/hesselives'>hesselives</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mulan (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Gen, Humor, fear not all plot holes and unrealistic elements are still preserved herein, i spent thirty dollars and all i got were these sarcastic thoughts, slightly alternative retelling of the film</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:35:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hesselives/pseuds/hesselives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Mulan could use a map, the Fifth Battalion is perpetually confused, and Xian Lang despairs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>mulan: redux</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mulan,” her mother says pleadingly, “I’m begging you. Be a lady.”</p><p>“I <em>am</em>,” she says sullenly, gesturing at her painted face.</p><p>“Your job is to bring honor to the family.”</p><p>“I thought my job was to feed the chickens and do household chores.”</p><p>“That’s your everyday job,” her mother says with a glare. “I’m talking about your <em>life</em> job.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Mulan says, rolling her eyes and allowing herself to be scooted around the exterior hallways of the <em>tulou</em> building until they arrive in front of the matchmaker’s door.</p><p>“Hello,” her mother says with a nervous smile, “Hua family. We have an appointment.”</p><p>“Sure yeah, come on in,” the matchmaker’s assistant says unenthusiastically. Matchmaking isn’t that exciting in a village with about eighty to two hundred people, depending on whether there’s a plague that year.</p><p>Mulan sits down in front of the matchmaker, keeping her face as placid as possible. If she could just get through this as quickly as possible, she can get back to doing her crossfit exercises.</p><p>“So, let’s see your tea pouring skills,” the matchmaker says with a heavy sigh. (She knows who Hua Mulan is. She may be good at staff-spinning and parkour, but can she pour tea without spilling it? Doubtful.)</p><p>“Absolutely. I’ve been practicing. Can’t wait to show you,” Mulan says flatly.</p><p>“<em>Mulan</em>,” her mother hisses under her breath. “Take this seriously. This is non-refundable.”</p><p>“She’s right,” the matchmaker says, arching an eyebrow and waving her fan impatiently. “How will I know which profile you should be matched to, unless I see the extent of your domestic skill set?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t it be better if I could, like, share my personality traits?” Mulan says, squinting. “Or tell you a few of my hobbies and interests?”</p><p>“Hah,” the matchmaker scoffs. “I can tell you right now. Even thousands of years from now, nobody is going to read all that on a matchmaking profile. Mark my words.”</p><p>“What? You mean people just swipe through profiles without trying to get to know the person?”</p><p>“Silence,” the matchmaker thunders. “You will be doing none of the swiping here. There is only one person who is swiping and it’s me. And there is only <em>swipe right</em> when I deem the match to be auspicious.”</p><p>One smashed tea set and a very startled spider later, Mulan and her family are kicked out, empty-matched and empty-pocketed.</p><p>“Dishonor,” the matchmaker shrieks after them.</p><p>“I have a feeling I’m going to be hearing that word a lot,” Mulan mutters to herself.</p><p>+</p><p>Mulan manages to sneak out in the middle of the night, clad in her father’s armor and bearing his sword.</p><p>“Hey,” she whispers to their horse, shaking him awake. “We gotta go.”</p><p>The horse stares at her in bleary confusion.</p><p>“Sorry, it’s wartime. I’m not going to walk all the way to my assigned campground. Otherwise, the war will be done by the time I get there.”</p><p>The horse snorts and tosses his mane.</p><p>“Don’t give me that.” She frowns, then holds up the edict in front of his face. “Do you know how to get to this address?”</p><p>The horse does not reply.</p><p>“Never mind. We’ll figure it out,” she says with the confidence and determination of a person who is certain that a whole battalion full of men will be too stupid to notice that she’s a woman. (And, as she will find out later, she is absolutely right about that.)</p><p>+</p><p>“I’m, uh, Hua Jun,” she says to Commander Tung, her voice faltering.</p><p>“Jun….like the character for ‘handsome’ or the character for ‘army’?” Commander Tung asks, his brow furrowed.</p><p>“Army…?” she says, voice trailing off.</p><p>“Well, that’s certainly a convenient name,” he says, blinking. “An army guy who’s been conscripted into the army. I definitely don’t need to check with the census office whether you are a real person or not.”</p><p>“No, definitely not,” she says hastily. “I’m super real. Totally.”</p><p>“All right then, I’ll take your word for it. Because when a man says anything, he’s given the benefit of the doubt. Good thing you’re not a woman.” He shrugs, then yells out, “Single file line, you maggots!”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>, she thinks despairingly.</p><p>+</p><p>“You know, Hua Jun, I thought I was a morning person,” Honghui says out of the blue one day. “But you’re always up before dawn. Why is that?”</p><p><em>Because I’m a fucking woman and binding this leather contraption around my chest takes a hell of a long time</em>, she wants to scream at him.</p><p>“Because the enemy may strike when we least expect it,” is what she says instead.</p><p>“Whoa,” he says, his eyes widening. “That is a very good point. You’re so smart and dedicated. I’ll start getting up before dawn too.”</p><p>“No, no,” she says, waving her arms wildly. “They say getting fewer than eight hours of sleep is bad for your health.”</p><p>Honghui squints at her. “But aren’t you getting fewer than eight hours of sleep?”</p><p>“Sometimes I nap during field training. With my eyes open,” she blurts out desperately.</p><p>“Wow,” he breathes out, shaking his head incredulously. “If only I could be more like you.”</p><p>“Oh, you wouldn’t want that, trust me,” she mumbles.</p><p>+</p><p>One thing leads to another, which leads to seeing the carnage left behind by the annihilation of the Fourth Battalion (well, four <em>is</em> an unlucky number, they really should’ve picked a different one), which leads to a fucking open-field battle against the Ruorans.</p><p>“Did nobody read Sun Tzu’s ‘Art of War’?” Mulan mutters to herself. “Open-field battle is the fucking worst.”</p><p>But as a lowly soldier, she follows instructions dutifully and finds herself (and her horse) swerving through a hail of arrows, which takes out the entire cavalry except her. (It’s a ridiculously small cavalry – more of a trail riding tour group, really – but still.)</p><p>“Damn, we really should've practiced more arrow-dodging,” she says with a wince, as she continues galloping forward alone. “Sorry, dudes.”</p><p>The Ruoran riders disappear into the mist, and she slows down, wondering where the hell all this mist came from.</p><p>“Only cowards retreat,” she repeats under her breath. “I just have to— take on a whole Ruoran cavalry by myself. No big deal.”</p><p>She wanders further into the mountains, which seems to be steaming like a sauna, and thinks briefly that if she weren’t in the middle of an important battle, this would be an awesome opportunity to soak in a hot spring.</p><p>Her thoughts are interrupted by a fucking hawk attacking her head.</p><p>“What the fuck?” she yells, as she tumbles across the ground. (Her horse – damn traitor – takes off in search of less dangerous circumstances.)</p><p>A gorgeously attired woman looks at her with a mixture of contempt and curiosity.</p><p>“Look, Hawk Lady,” Mulan says tiredly. “I’m just hunting down a bunch of dudes in black. I have no beef with you. Have you seen them?”</p><p>“I’m with them,” Hawk Lady says, grimacing. “Sort of.”</p><p>“Oh,” Mulan says dejectedly, and draws her sword. “I guess we’re doing this then, Hawk Lady.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” Hawk Lady says, raising an eyebrow. “And my name is Xian Lang, by the way. What’s yours?”</p><p>“Hua Jun,” she says unconvincingly. “Just a regular dude serving as an imperial soldier.”</p><p>“Hah. You can’t fool me,” Xian Lang says, smirking. “The men around you might be dumbasses. But I’m not.”</p><p>“Yeah, you got me,” Mulan says, exhaling heavily. It’s no use trying to lie to a witch.</p><p>“I’m not a witch. I’m a warrior,” Xian Lang snaps. “Who just so happens to have supernatural powers.”</p><p>“Oh, for sure, yeah,” Mulan says, gaze darting around in search of an escape route. “Just us two warriors, having a chat in the middle of some sulfuric acid pools.”</p><p>“I don’t think you’re understanding my point,” Xian Lang says, frowning.</p><p>“What? What point?” Mulan says distractedly.</p><p>“We’re strong, independent women,” Xian Lang says fervently. “We can help each other. <em>Feminism.</em> Have you heard of it?”</p><p>“No,” Mulan says with a confused expression. “Do you mean <em>nationalism</em>?”</p><p>“You poor, brainwashed girl,” Xian Lang laments. “I should just end you right here, which I can, in – like – two seconds because I’m a fucking transformer. But I also kind of want to see where this goes.”</p><p>“Where what goes?” Mulan says a bit dimly.</p><p>“You. The plot. Off you go now.” Xian Lang waves an impatient hand. “Don’t get lost. You’re going to want to turn left after the third acid pool to get back to the battlefield.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay, see you later,” Mulan says, then squints into the distance, muttering to herself. “Turn left after the third acid pool.”</p><p>“Someone should get her a map,” Xian Lang says to nobody in particular.</p><p>+</p><p>Several harrowing catapult-related events later, Mulan finds that saving everyone’s life isn’t as shock-inducing as revealing her true self. She wanders off, crestfallen, then ends up listening to a touching monologue by Hawk Lady (again), before turning back towards her compatriots.</p><p>“I thought I made it clear that you brought dishonor to your family. You’re <em>expelled</em>,” Commander Tung says, quietly furious. “Forever.”</p><p>“I’m literally the most capable soldier here. But yeah, feel free to kill me after I make this impassioned speech,” she says, dropping to her knees.</p><p>“Just one speech. Make it short,” he snaps.</p><p>“This was all a ruse planned by Bori Khan,” she cries out, repeating what Hawk Lady told her. “We have to go protect the emperor. He’s in danger.” She looks towards her fellow soldiers beseechingly, willing them to believe her. “Like, <em>specific</em> danger. Not just general danger.”</p><p>“This seems very urgent,” Honghui says, stepping forward. “I believe you, Mulan. And not just because you have made me question my entire sexual orientation.”</p><p>“We also believe you,” her friends echo. “Though the rest of us still remain firmly heterosexual.”</p><p>And so, in spite of all odds, Mulan manages to convince Commander Tung and the Fifth Battalion to follow her to the Imperial Palace, which is suspiciously unguarded.</p><p>“Could this be a trap?” one of the soldiers pipes up.</p><p>“No, no,” Mulan says, frowning. “Hawk Lady wouldn’t tell us about the enemy’s diabolical plan, only to lead us into a trap.”</p><p>“That— sounds exactly like something she would do,” another soldier mutters.</p><p>“Where’s the emperor?” she shouts, looking around in consternation. “We have to protect the emperor.”</p><p>A Ruoran warrior peers down at her from the top of a wall. “You guys are so loud. It’s almost a waste of an ambush.” He gestures at his compatriots. “We’re ambushing you, by the way.”</p><p>“Ambush!” she cries out.</p><p>“Well, it’s not an ambush <em>now</em>,” the warrior says in a surly tone, before leaping down and whipping his mace threateningly.</p><p>“Mulan!” Honghui shouts, valiantly swinging his sword. “Leave these extremely competent villains to us trainees. We’ll be fine. Go find the emperor!”</p><p>“Excellent idea,” Mulan says, making her way towards the other set of doors leading towards the center of the palatial compound. “You guys will definitely survive, if the Ruorans conveniently forget how to magically scale walls, the way they did when they invaded our garrisons.”</p><p>Honghui gives her a thumbs up, and continues grunting manfully as he makes a stabbing motion.</p><p>+</p><p>Mulan finds Hawk Lady first, who seems to have conjured a rather amazing and imperial outfit for herself out of nowhere.</p><p>“Hey, good to see you again,” Mulan says, catching her breath. “Can you point me in the direction of the emperor?”</p><p>“He’s fine,” Xian Lang sighs, her daydreams of being China’s first female tyrant slowly fading away. “He’s tied up precariously on top of some bamboo scaffolding. I guess they’ve been doing some reconstruction lately. Total waste of taxpayers’ money, if you ask me.”</p><p>“You pay taxes?” Mulan asks, brow furrowed, seemingly forgetting that her fellow soldiers are edging closer to death with every second that passes.</p><p>“Me? No,” Xian Lang scoffs. “I don’t even use the public roads. I can fucking fly, bitch.”</p><p>“That’s true,” Mulan concedes, then remembers the urgent matter at hand. “You said bamboo scaffolding, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re going to want to take a right after the magistrates’ office, then a left after the treasury building—” Xian Lang stops abruptly when she notices Mulan squinting in concentration. “You know what? I’m not in the mood to repeat this later. Just follow me.”</p><p>She transforms into her glorious avian self, then shrieks at Mulan impatiently.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” Mulan says, jogging after her.</p><p>+</p><p>“What the fuck is going on here?” Bori Khan says, when Xian Lang lands in front of him.</p><p>“Feminism,” she says, in a low and threatening voice.</p><p>“What the hell are you talking about,” he snaps, then frowns as he spots a woman in red running straight towards him. “Who is that?”</p><p>“Your worst fucking nightmare,” Xian Lang says, trying her best to hype up Mulan.</p><p>“Well, that’s unfair. You know my worst nightmare is not being able to avenge my dad, which I still haven’t done, even though the emperor is tied up right here.” Bori Khan grips his saber even more tightly, and turns his attention back on Mulan. “Why is she being so obvious? Hasn’t she ever heard of an ambush?”</p><p>“Look,” Xian Lang says impatiently. “I’m betraying you, okay? I don’t like you. I don’t like sexism. I don’t like this country’s prejudice against badass animorphs like me. So fucking stick that up your ass.”</p><p>Bori Khan gapes at her in utter shock. “How dare you—”</p><p>“Almost there,” Mulan gasps, feeling her hamstrings seize up. “Don’t you dare touch the emperor.”</p><p>Bori Khan rapidly nocks an arrow and points it straight at Mulan, because truly, it’s too fucking easy.</p><p>“Mulan,” Xian Lang cries out. “Can you catch a fucking arrow in mid-air?”</p><p>“I’m not sure,” she replies, somewhat out of breath. “I don’t think so!”</p><p>“Fucking hell,” Xian Lang mutters. “I have to do everything myself.”</p><p>She transforms into a hawk (or maybe an eagle, it’s kind of hard to tell, who here is an ornithologist?), and allows the arrow to pierce her feathery breast, instead of – you know – disintegrating the arrow with her magical powers, or blocking it with her heavy metal cape. Because reasons.</p><p>“Reasons,” she rasps out, when Mulan predictably cradles her in her arms and sobs quite movingly over someone she didn’t actually know all that well.</p><p>“Thank you for your sacrifice,” Mulan says, weeping. (The emperor leans forward a bit to witness this very emotional moment. But the bamboo scaffolding blocks most of the view.)</p><p>“Nationalism,” Xian Lang rattles out with her dying breath, then closes her eyes and lets her hand fall to the side dramatically.</p><p>“You understand me so well,” Mulan says, wiping away her tears. She lifts her gaze, glaring with renewed anger at Bori Khan.</p><p>“Hey, you!” she shouts, leaping up onto the bamboo scaffolding. “Fucking fight me, goth boy.”</p><p>“Are you sure about that?” he scoffs, folding his arms. “This structure is very unstable. There are also hot pits of lava beneath us for no discernable reason. You might die, little girl.”</p><p>“I’m always prepared to die for my country,” she screams heroically.</p><p>“Well said,” the emperor chimes in. “Good to know the educational pamphlets are working.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Bori Khan hisses at him.</p><p>Mulan takes a moment to squint up at the emperor, wondering how the hell he’s rendered immovable with just a couple pieces of rope.</p><p>“Aren’t you, like, one of the most renowned martial artists in the entire country?” she asks him.</p><p>“I’m just— chilling, I guess. I’m rather tired. Ruling a whole country is exhausting,” the emperor sighs, shoulders slumping.</p><p>“Don’t worry, your majesty. You just stay right there,” Mulan says determinedly. “I’ll save you.”</p><p>“Okay,” the emperor says, blinking doubtfully.</p><p>“Not while I’m here,” Bori Khan growls, waving his saber menacingly. “Come on, let’s see what you’ve got.”</p><p>As it turns out, she has got quite a lot. More than he expected. (Even after her shiny sword falls and melts in one of the lava pits, the three inscribed virtues slowly and metaphorically disappearing.)</p><p>“Well, damn,” he says with a confused expression, as she takes his saber from him. “I didn’t think I’d meet anyone who has more fighting experience than me. I’ve been wielding this saber since I was five years old. You?”</p><p>“Oh, I haven’t actually fought anybody before,” she says casually. “I just chased a lot of chickens on rooftops and did a lot of tai chi in a sunlit field of grass.”</p><p>“<em>What?</em>” Bori Khan screeches, massively offended.</p><p>“Bye, now,” she says, waving a hand before slicing through the rope of the random wooden beam they’re balanced on. “Don’t underestimate women!” she adds right before he hits the ground with a sickening thud.</p><p>“Not sure he heard that last part,” the emperor muses, as he waits patiently for Mulan to swing over off the rope and untie him. He looks down as she struggles to unravel the knots. “Maybe the saber will be faster.”</p><p>“Yeah, I already let go of it. Thought I was done with it,” she says, tugging even harder.</p><p>“Hm,” the emperor says with a bit of a frown, shaking out his wrist and inspecting the marks left by rope burn. “You don’t happen to have any tiger balm on you, do you?”</p><p>“No, sorry,” she says, working on untying the last knot. “Commander Tung said the whole budget was blown on our armor and shields. And water buckets. And five horses for the tiniest cavalry ever.”</p><p>“Huh, that doesn’t sound right,” the emperor says. But he hasn’t actually dealt with money ever, being the emperor and all, so he can’t be too certain about that.</p><p>A whooshing noise interrupts his nebulous thoughts on currency, and he swiftly reaches out to grab a flying arrow right before it hits him in the throat. “What the fuck?”</p><p>“He’s not dead,” Mulan gasps, grabbing the arrow and hurling it back down, hoping that Bori Khan will be too distracted by his broken bones to notice.</p><p>“I don’t know. I heard in a report recently that he can catch arrows like no other—” the emperor starts, but his voice trails off when the arrow miraculously pierces through three layers of leather and armor, finally killing off China’s fiercest enemy. “Huh, I guess not.”</p><p>“I could behead him, just to make sure?” Mulan says, searching below for the saber.</p><p>“Well, that’s just unladylike,” the emperor huffs, fluffing out his sleeves. “Come on, let’s go see who else is alive. I need as many people as possible crammed into the imperial hall for a post-war meeting.”</p><p>Mulan dutifully follows.</p><p>+</p><p>“So, after much thought and consideration, I would like to thank you by offering you an office position amongst my best warriors,” the emperor announces to her.</p><p>“Like, lieutenant? Or general?” she asks, trying to hide her surprise.</p><p>“No,” he says with a scoff. “I said office position. <em>Amongst</em> my best warriors.”</p><p>“So…like a secretary,” she says, her excitement now totally gone.</p><p>“A royal secretary,” he clarifies.</p><p>“Yeah, no thanks. It’s a great offer, I must say. But, uh, I gotta go home.” She looks off to the side and taps her index fingers together. “I have to restore my honor. Explain the disappearance of the family sword. Let them know I’m alive. You know how it is.”</p><p>The emperor, in fact, does not know how it is. But he figures that the census office probably knows where she lives, so he’ll just ask again after she takes care of all that.</p><p>+</p><p>Her sister cries, her parents cry, and the matchmaker falls into a dead faint.</p><p>Not too bad, all things considering.</p><p>She’s really looking forward to returning to the simple life again. Feeding chickens. Tai chi in a field of grass. Obliterating spiders.</p><p>Except the fucking battalion shows up again.</p><p>“Tell me Bori Khan is dead,” she sighs. “Please.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, like, super dead,” Commander Tung assures her. “No, we’re here to offer you the office position again. We would’ve just sent a letter, along with this awesome imperial sword, but the emperor insisted that you would need more convincing. So here we are. Your brothers-in-arms.”</p><p>“Thanks, man,” Mulan says, peering down at the sword. “Hey, it looks almost the same. It’s got the three virtues on it and everything. Because, you know, they’re really hard to remember. It’s good to have a visual reminder.”</p><p>“It is,” Commander Tung says feelingly. “Oh right, there’s a fourth virtue. On the other side. It was a last minute addition. Otherwise, I would’ve just included it along with the other ones.”</p><p>“Devotion to family,” Mulan reads aloud. “Yeah, totally. Great addition.”</p><p>“Because you’re really devoted,” Commander Tung says sincerely. “To your family.”</p><p>“So even though I’m really devoted to my family, who lives here with me in this nice village,” she says slowly, “you still want me to leave them to take up a secretarial position in the palace, where I’ll be judged every hour of every day by all the men I’ll be surrounded by?”</p><p>“Y—es,” Commander Tung says, looking down surreptitiously at the emperor’s letter just to double check. “Yep. That’s it. It’s a pretty solid career plan.”</p><p>“I do like having a career,” Mulan sighs, looking back at her dumbstruck family.</p><p>Commander Tung sighs with relief, then clasps a hand over Honghui’s shoulder. “I thought we might have to resort to you using your masculine wiles to convince her.”</p><p>“What?” he says faintly.</p><p>“Oh come on, you’re so obvious,” Commander Tung snorts, then checks the ‘yes’ box at the bottom of the letter. “Good thing she’s a woman. Otherwise I’d have to expel you from the army for having gay feelings.”</p><p>“Oh, but that—wasn’t listed in the rules you stated when we were training….?” Honghui says, feeling like nobody else realizes that he’s in the throes of a bisexual crisis.</p><p>“I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” Commander Tung says authoritatively.</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Honghui says miserably, then wanders towards a picturesque bridge where Mulan is standing with her horse. “Hey, Mulan.”</p><p>“Hey, bro,” she says with a wave. “Glad you’re alive.”</p><p>“Me, too,” he says a little too enthusiastically. “So, uh, want to join us on our way back to the palace?”</p><p>“Nah,” she says, scrunching her nose. “I’m going to find my own way there. Just me and my horse. On uncharted roads.”</p><p>“I, um, respect that,” he says, tapping his foot nervously. “Would you—” He clears his throat. “Would you want to go out sometime?”</p><p>“Like, for a beer? Yeah, dude. Count me in,” she says, punching his arm. “We can invite the rest of the battalion too.”</p><p>Despite the feeling of his heart flopping over and crying, Honghui manages a smile. “Yeah, beer sounds good.”</p><p>“Bros for life!” she says with a fist-pump, and waves at him after hopping onto her horse.</p><p>Honghui watches her ride off into the sunset and resolves that – if nothing else – he’ll be her staunchest ally and make sure nobody ever doubts her ability to be Best Badass Imperial Official Ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>long story short: your thirty dollars are better spent on groceries</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>